So I am lying here, I haven’t accomplished anything really today. I have a feeling of doing something, going to the mountains, a park, creating this shelf for a trumpet, polishing said trumpet. Updating the website. Going to take photos, calming my car, inside and out.

But I’m here lying in bed and there is this mental block that keeps me here.

Now why is this? Is this an ADHD thing? I have taken my ADHD meds today. But what I haven’t taken is my anxiety meds, due to me procrastinating and forgetting I needed to get a refill, also the pharmacy having some new central fill station that takes longer than the usual two hour window.

So is this anxiety? Or ADHD? Is it just something else all together? How does one decide or figure out the thing you can feel that is holding you in place? What are the steps? And if I did know what it was, are meds the answer? Or is there a lesson here?

The step perhaps is already sitting there in my brain. The one with no inner monologue, with no inner representation be it visual, auditory, or the ones I’m missing and don’t even realize they exist.

But despite being stuck in this strange state of my brain not accepting my urge to move and explore or create. I did happen to accomplish this very blog post.

There is calm in the chaos, and despite the chaos of my brain, the calm achieved another little step to accomplishing something that probably needed to be done.